Well, am I? I don’t know. I have no clue! Maybe I am…but why this weird question?
Well, a few days ago I was talking to someone on the internet. It was a guy whose name I am obviously not going to state here. I do not know this young man in real life, I just know him from the internet because he is creative and I like his instagram feed. It provides me with a lot of inspiration.
Anyway, we were talking about some art for a while when the subject of the conversation changed to living alone and how it can really suck. I mean, I do not always like living in a student accommodation. It does feel like living alone for the most part. There are other people living in the house with me, but I never see them and days go by when I hear people but see nobody. The other person lives completely alone. The conversation goes on and he says something along the lines of: “Oh but you have a boyfriend so you obviously shouldn’t feel lonely like I do”. On which I reply that I broke up with my boyfriend a while back. He replied with the standard ‘Oh I am sorry to hear that’. All fine up until this point.
But then. Then the conversation went on. I shared my ideas about how I really like to be single and how I am enjoying being single, and he replies:
“Oh but that is unfair to us men kind, you’re too pretty to be single.”
That did not go well with me. At that exact moment I did not have the energy to reply and make a fuss about it, but now I do. And I must say that the comment made me feel horrible. Like I should have a boyfriend because I am ‘so pretty’ and ‘it is so unfair to them men to stay voluntarily single’. Hello?! I do not think so! If I want to be single, I stay single. It did hurt a little bit. It really did feel like I was judged for making my own choices. As if it is obligatory to be hooked to some guy just because I am a pretty girl? Well, I. Do. Not. Think. So. And so shouldn’t you. If I chose to stay single, then I will stay single. This is my life, my body, my choice. There is a reason why I wholeheartedly chose to stay single and maybe I may some day address that reason here as well, but not right now. For now, all you need to know is that its a voluntary choice right now.
This does not only happen to me. I feel like there is this urge and this societal pressure that makes us feel like we should be in a relationship around a certain age. Get married, start a family, etcetera. But what if I do not want that? What if I believe I never want children, or get married? What if I chose to stay single because I think the ‘relationship culture’ of my generation is fucked up and I don’t want to be a part of that? What if my heart belongs to someone I will never have?
All I am trying to say is that you should make your own choices and you should not let anyone bring you down for that. You are the boss in your life. You shape it the way you want and you do what is good for you. Not what society wants. No. You do what you want. I once heard a pretty great metaphor about this on the radio: “Not everyone can ride the freeway at the same time.” And damn, that’s true. Some people do things faster, some people a little bit slower. Some people will not ever get on that highway but stay on unbeaten tracks, exploring for the rest of their lives. And you know what? Every pace, every trail, every turn you take is okay. It is your road and nobody else’s.
Thank you for coming to my TEDtalk.
Lots of Love,